Monday, December 18, 2017

CHANGING THE WAY YOU RESPOND TO CRITICISM



Today some of us are finding ourselves in an open market of rapid interactions and releases of messages on Facebook platform, that we are caught in between hit and run attitudes, intellectual terrorism and the whole reality of fake news,(Alternative truth), where someone seats behind the keyboard of his laptop, cellphone, and literally does a lot of "bombing activations", "grenade" throwing and attacks in the net, through what we call "let the fingers do the walking".

Many of us have closed their facebook, twitter, and social media accounts or simply switched off that world of social media. They have chickened out. Is that a solution? maybe, maybe not for a short while or temporal solution who knows.

The internet and social media is here and it looks like every day new approaches and means of delivering news, agenda depending on what you are planning and inventing easier ways of communicating inter and intra the global village.

Some of us have built on internal critic which is embodied in negative beliefs which we hold to ourselves. when we are low in self-esteem we will do all that is possible to avoid criticism, we can't tolerate disapprove of ourselves and generally we can't stand criticism because we are self critical.

We have developed a poor self concept by hanging on to negative beliefs about ourselves. This is as a result of the unfinished business in our childhood. Do you love and value yourself whenever you find yourself in self criticism? or else you find yourself falling into your old self-invalidating habits. You have always to affirm yourself (I LOVE AND VALUE MYSELF) often whenever you find yourself falling or leading thyself in that temptation. This will remind you of what is happening.

It is ok for you to make mistakes, it's something else to allow yourself to slip into a black hole of fear and helplessness. You have to give yourself some space to evaluate of what is being said about you, what sort of criticism is it, is someone just trying to have a go to you, stalking you. Is what they are saying justified or not? Sometimes the way we behave simply opens floodgates of criticism that everyone junky wants to use you for a dumping site.

Sometimes we hear statements like "that was really something stupid to do", "you are insensitive". If you say yes, indeed "I know it was something wrong to do". "I'm ever so sorry", "I am stupid", "I am always making mistakes". It means you are playing to the submissive victim.

Of course you can also play aggressive victim and reply with more criticism. Like "What right have you when everyone here know who you are and what you do with people's........." you are in conflict, counter attack and throwing a grenade is very easy, you don't want to die alone, better to die with the whole village. (Facebook postings, fights and dirty talks we post on our social media outlets, which some turn out to be FAKE).

Facebook turns out to be a very good ground for intellectual and gorrilla exchange of words in names of bloggers. we feel threatened, neither do we feel good about ourselves, we are both low in self-esteem.

Sometimes it's very hard to say "I AM VERY SORRY", "it was a very wrong thing to do","I know that at times I can be insensitive but I am trying to change my approach". There are creative responses which do not diminish your self-esteem.

You can apologise without crawling with your face downward. Its right to make mistakes but learn from them, don't repeat the same mistake. Ask for constructive feedback to be helped in your perspective of looking looking at reality before you.

If you feel that criticism is unfair, then say so, "I don't think I am insensitive do I?" "I don't accept that description of my behaviour" say what you feel clearly and convincingly, once we are in high esteem we behave very creatively and this means taking responsibility for one's own strengths and weaknesses. If the glove fits, then wear it. In other words, recognize and accept justified criticism. It will be in your best interests to do so. If it doesn't fit, don't try to own it. Stand for yourself without attributing any blame. Ok!!!!!!!!!

The more you practice these techniques the easier they will help you through the main streamings of facebooking. When you are able to separate yourself from your behaviour you can recognize your intrinsic self worth. When you truly understand that you are lovable, valuable and worthy, then you have learned to create self-esteem.

Happy Christmas and prosperous New Year 2018 of facebooking.


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