Telling the Truth Prudently in the Era of C-19

Eco-Connect'20

[TELLING THE TRUTH PRUDENTLY]

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Truth alone is not enough. It must be balanced off with the other transcendental properties of God:
oneness,
goodness,
and beauty.

That might sound abstract, but what it means concretely is that sometimes we can have all the right answers and still be wrong.

How? If we are acting in truth how can we be wrong?

The first pitfall is this: We may be acting out of truth and, in fact, doing all the right things, but our energy can be wrong.T.S. Eliot once famously said:

"The last temptation is the greatest treason: To do the right deed for the wrong reason."

We can see what is at stake here by looking at the older brother of the prodigal son.

On the surface his devotion to his father lacks nothing. He rightly attests that his life is blameless and a paradigm of filial devotion.

He has kept all the commandments, has never left his father's house, and has done all the required work. The irony is that he fails to notice that he is not in fact inside his father's house, but is standing outside of it and is being gently invited in by his father.

What is keeping him outside since after all he is doing everything correctly? Bitterness and anger. His actions are correct, but his heart is wrong. Bitterness and anger are not the right energy to fuel truth.

We can be scrupulously faithful and still find ourselves standing outside of God's house and outside the circle of community and celebration because of a bitter heart.

Gratitude is the energy that ultimately needs to fuel the truth. Like the older brother of the prodigal son, we can be doing everything right and still, somehow, be wrong. And where this is particularly important in terms of a challenge is in our efforts, both as individuals and as church, to offer the truth, the right answers, to those around us, be that our own children who no longer go to church or society as a whole.

If, inside of our speaking the truth, there are elements of elitism, arrogance, anger, lack of respect, lack of understanding, or worse still, embittered moralizing, our truth will not be heard, not because our truth is wrong but because our energy is. That is why Jesus warns us to "speak our truth in parables".

Truth is not a sledgehammer; it is an invitation that we must respectfully offer others. And there is still a second potential pitfall: We can have the right answers and the right energy, but have the wrong understanding of those answers. We see this, for example, in Mark's Gospel when Jesus asks the disciples the question: "Who do you say that I am?" Peter answers, and answers correctly, by saying: "You are the Christ, the Messiah." But he is immediately shut down by Jesus ("Don't tell that to anyone!") and is subsequently rebuked with the words: "Get behind me, Satan!" Why? Wasn't he correct? Peter's answer was correct, Jesus was the Christ, but his understanding of what that meant was mostly wrong.

For Peter, the concept of a Messiah connoted earthly power and especially earthly privilege, whereas for Jesus it meant suffering and dying.

Peter had the right answer, but the wrong understanding of that answer. Some scholars speculate that this is the real reason behind the so-called "messianic secret" in the Gospels, where Jesus repeatedly asks his disciples to not reveal his identity.

His reluctance to have his disciples broadcast publicly who he is was based upon his fear that they could not, before the resurrection and Pentecost, properly understand his identity and would invariably preach a false message.

We can have the right answers and still be wrong because we have the wrong energy to go along with the answers or because we have a wrong understanding of the answers.

It is good to take that to heart, especially when we step out prophetically either religiously or morally or socially.

We may well have the water of life, the truth that sets people free, and the right cause, but nobody except our own kind will accept to receive it from us if our energy is wrong or our understanding of that truth is wrong.

It is easy to rationalize that it is because we are prophetic, the faithful remnant, the last warriors of truth still standing, that we are not being heard and why we are hated. But, more often than not, we are not being listened to because we are misguided, elitist, non-empathic, or flat-out unloving, not because we are warriors for truth or justice.

And so we need to be humble and heed Jesus' warning to guard the "messianic secret" and "speak our truth in parables".

In brief, we need to be solicitous always lest a false energy behind our truth or a misunderstanding of that truth have us so fall out of discipleship that Jesus has to reprimand us with the words: "Get behind me, Satan!"

© Don J. B Nyamunga
Girimori Catholic Parish- Kericho

LOVE, HATRED AND THE CROSS AMIDST THE COVID19

Eco-Connect'20

[LOVE, HATRED AND THE CROSS: HOW IT DOWN PLAYS IN THE QUARANTINE MOMENTS]

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How do you stay positive, preach hope and remain loving and big hearted in the face of position, misunderstanding, hostility and hatred?

Jesus lived this and perhaps the greatest personal and moral challenge to us who try to follow him.

How do you remain loving in the face of hatred?

How do you remain empathic in the face of misunderstanding?

How do you continue to be warm and gracious in the face of hostility?

How do you love your enemies when they want to kill you?

Virtually every instinct inside us works against us here.

Our natural instincts are mostly self protective, paranoid even, antithetic to self-abnegation and forgiveness.

Our innate sense of justice demands an eye for an eye, a giving back in kind, hatred for hatred, distrust, murder for murder. And this isn’t just time for the big things, or struggle to remain loving even in the face of irritation.

But how do we handle opposition, misunderstanding, hostility and hatred? Sometimes our response is paralysis.

We get so intimidated by opposition, misunderstanding and hatred that we retreat and go underground.

We retain our ideals but no longer practice them in the presence of those who oppose us.

We continue to speak love and understanding, but not to our enemies (whom we don’t exactly hate, but whom we now stay away from).

Sometimes our response is the exact opposite; namely, in the face of opposition we develop a skin that so thick that we don’t need to care about what others think of us: let them think whatever they want! They can like it or lump it!

The problem with the thick skin is that our capacity to saying right words and doing the right actions is partially based upon a certain blindness and insensitivity. In our mind, we don’t have a problem, others do. The insensitivity sometimes takes a more subtle form, condescension.

When we believe that we are big-hearted enough to love those who oppose and hate us, even so our empathy and love are predicated in a certain elitism, namely, on the feeling that we are so morally and religiously superior to those who hate us that we can love them in their ignorance: poor, ignorant people! If they know better!

This is not love but a superiority-complex masquerading as empathy and concern. That is not how Jesus treated those who hated him.

How did he treat them?

In the face of hatred and being put to death by his enemies, Jesus was not intimidated, nor did he become thick-skinned or condescending.

What did he do?

He rooted himself more deeply in his own deepest identity and inside of that, he found the power to continue to be warmed hearted, loving and forgiving in the face of hatred and murder.

How?

As Jesus was being persecuted, he prayed; “forgive them for they do not know what they are doing”. Karl Rahner, commenting on this, a stutely points out that, in fact, his executioners did not know what they were doing! They knew they were acting in ignorance.

Their ignorance as Karl Rahner points out lay at a deeper level: They were ignorant of how much they were loved, whereas Jesus was not.

That inner state of Jesus at the last supper, they say: Jesus knowing that he had come from God and that he was going back to God and therefore all things were possible for him, got up from the table and took of his outer robe.

Jesus was capable of continuing to love and forgive in the face of hatred and murder because at the very heart of his self-awareness, lay an awareness of who was God’s son, and how much he was loved. He wasn’t thick-skinned or elist, just in touch with who he was and how he was loved. From that source he drew his energy and his power to forgive.

We too have access to that same powerful spring of energy. Like Jesus, we too are God’s children and are loved that deeply. Like Jesus, we too can be that forgiving.

Very few things are needed today, in both in the society and Church, than this capacity for understanding and forgiveness, especially in our ultimate social, political, ecclesial, moral, religious and human challenge.

Sometimes Church people try to single out the one particular moral issue as the litmus test to whether or not someone is a true follower of Jesus.

If there is to be litmus test, let it be this one: Can you continue to love those who misunderstand you, oppose you, hostile to you, who hate you, and who threaten you without being paralyzed, calloused or condescending?

© Don. J.B Nyamunga
Girimori Catholic Parish - Kericho

SUFFICIENT REFLECTION ON CONFESSION IN TIME OF COVID19

Eco-Connect'20

[SUFFICIENT REFLECTION: THE CHALLENGE OF CONFESSION IN TIME OF COVID19]

Sufficient reflection is a fruit of features like: symbols, content, verifiables, acquired knowledge and proper communication skills.

You will come to the realization that speculative knowledge which has the head as its CPU has to make right information in mastering facts.

Those facts which can easily be verified since facts can be observed and the logic demonstrated.

That which we acquire can be easily learned, for right information is rule for teaching, preaching and sharing.

The information or facts should be easily detached from the knower and the situation so that they are easy to be passed over.

The level that proceeds after speculative knowledge is that of evaluative knowledge : This is what many would associate themselves with matters of the heart. The quality of value of someone or something. Sometimes its difficult to verify since quality or values escape easy demonstration and logical exposition.

Therefore, quality and value must be caught through personal interaction and encounter.

Since quality and value are not easily detached from the knower and situation, communication is difficult hence, must be discovered and appreciated.

Up to now, may be you are asking yourself what is this animal called speculative knowledge?
It is all about knowledge of the rules and strategies for achieving, what the rules prescribe ; its all about knowledge on values. (Cfr. To Walk Together Again:The sacrament of Reconciliation, Paulist Press, (Ramsey New York).

© Don J. B Nyamunga
Girimori, Koru- Kenya

LEARNING THE TRUTH ABOUT LISTENING IN TIME OF COVID19

Eco-Connect'20

[TAME UNRULY EMOTIONAL REACTIONS IN TIME OF COVID19]

Sometimes when we listen to our emotional tones, they sometimes can cut off communication; for example: mother always said... This statement is like having a red flag before a bull.

So many of have emotional reactions to certain words, when we hear them lights flash and alarm bells clang.

A good listener fights back emotional response. He needs time to understand the other person and see the other person and see the full implication of what is being said.

THREE LEVELS OF PAYING ATTENTION

a) Pay attention to one another

b) Pay attention to what people are doing all around you and what they are asking you to do.

c) Pay attention to what is happening inside you as a direct result of all that is happening outside and around you.

Combine all the three and the result will be an element of reconciliation. We live in the world of strangers, and we daily search for hospitable places where life can be lived without fears.

Each one of us is like a rock with walls and barriers that keep others out and keep us secure. But year after year God keeps curving away at our rock.

One day we discover that God 's hand has created some empty space in our rock. He has been chipping away at us and now we discover a a cave, hewn out of stone.

We find that there is space to welcome people in, people who are weary, tired and in need of some space in which which to gather so that they will not feel alone. They come in and say to us

" Oh I see you have been doing some rocking dwelling, too. The curving hand of the lord has also been clipping away at your grand design and your plans and ambitions. I see you have an empty space, perhaps I may come in".

LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT LISTENING

Intelligence may sometimes hinder listening. The highly intelligent persons often becomes impatient with a slower speaking individual, because he cannot be bothered waiting for him, to complete his statement and times him out.

Listening skills and others must be exercised, learned, practiced and developed, regardless of intelligent level.

Since listening is often confused with hearing, it is assumed that hearing problems are the reasons, some people don't listen. Statistics show that good hearers are usually not good listeners.

We may learn to listen the way we learn to walk, but some children don't even learn to walk properly and need correction. Listening practice doesn't always make perfect, it's possible to practice our mistakes.

Hearing describes the where about of voice sound comes from through the air to your ear.

Listening is used for the process, where by we sort the messages and decide which stimulus will have our attention.

The selective process of the brain is the main distinction between hearing and listening. We live in the world that afflicted with pollution. But one type of pollution people rarely mention is noise pollution.

Total listening is the means in which somebody uses his or her all parts of the body, his mouth, eyes, etc to make the other person loved, valued and worthwhile.

You can become an effective listener by if you show your interest in every way you know how.  And the best known of all attending skills is the skill of listening. Often many people use the word listening than attention.

We must acknowledge that listening is most important attending skill.

1. Learn the truth about listening

2.investigate the difference between hearing and listening

3.Show your interest in every way you know

4. Eliminate side excursions

5. Never interrupt.

© Don J. B Nyamunga
Kericho - Kenya

Re-formation of Social Groups in Time of Covid19

Today in this time of Covid19 don’t be surprised to find yourself in a whatsaap group that you don’t know how it was formed but you can guess who the administrators are, or you see the administrators and you are like…who is that guy? Have I met him? The big question now should be why do people form groups? These groups are categorized in formal and informal.

A formal group

This usually that which is governed by the formal structure of the organization. It may be a choir group, athletics group, and school band or student government. In a workplace it may be a planning team.

The informal group

This one just happens. It can be defined as ever changing relationships and interactions that can be found within the organization or institution or club, but they are not formally put together by anybody.

I guess by now you know why you are in the group you find yourself. You may be a formal group or informal group, but the bigger question now should not be why am I in that group, but what are you doing in that group. If you don’t know why you are in a given group, better ojisort mapema. People join groups to fulfill needs that can’t be fulfilled when acting alone.

These needs and fulfilment belong to these categories: affiliation, attraction, activities, assistance, and proximity.

Affiliation: Everyone has a basic need to be with other people and relates to them. Although some people seem to need it more than others, all people have the need to belong. Why do you think you find yourself often with a specific person for lunch, chat, conversation, walks if not that…

Attraction: Normal humans feel attracted to be who are like them, who are they, they would like to become. Those who have attitudes, values, personalities and economic positions similar to their own. In short they like to be near to people who are attractive by these standards.

Activities: You are where you are in a given group because of the activities of that group. It may be a football club, chama group, journalist club, lawyers group, prayer group the list is endless.

Assistance: Some people join groups because of the help or assistance the group can give them in some area of their lives. Joining a labour union could be an example for one’s work life. Joining a group for personal assistance.

Proximity: People whom you work and do things with together always go around how near that person is, close ties with people they see frequently, attend class with, eat with and so forth.

The question is what makes a group? A group is defined as two or more people who:

I)                   Interact with other members on either individual or network basis

II)                Share common goals

III)             Are governed by unspoken or formal rules or norms as a system of attitude and behaviour

IV)             Maintain stable role relationships

V)                Form subgroups through various network of attraction and rejection

Interaction: That means that each member of the group interacts with every other members, but you still work together as a network, with a leader (or leaders), trying activities together. The group is small and easily known and everything is informal compared by a large group that everything look and attract formality.

Shared goals:

Two people in an informal group, the only shared goal might be good conversation and friendship. Larger informal groups may have fun as their goal and larger formal groups may have only one major goal in common. An unconscious goal that is always present, though, fulfilling the need to belong. If any group formal or informal has opposing goals within itself, the group will not be effective.

Unspoken or Formal Rules and Norms:

If any group is going to work effectively, it has to maintain some basic rules upon which it has agreed. A norm is a standard of behaviour that is expected of group members. One group norm said “working hard is bad” another “do not work very hard because group will be unhappy with you”. Small groups often have unspoken rules that aren’t brought up until someone breaks one of them. They may evolve from shared values of norms.

Larger and formal groups usually require rigid norms, although informal norms also exist, even in the larger groups. The effectiveness of the group depend on each member’s understanding and following the rules of behaviour. An effective group will need ways of enforcing its rules and norms, as well as methods for members to rejoin the group after an offense has been corrected.

Stable role relationship:

Even in a group of two, one member will usually be considered stronger one, the source of emotional support, whereas the other will be a problem solver. For example if a group is formed in the classroom for special class project, a leader will always emerge within a shortest time. The leader is not the only member with an identifiable role. Others soon become recognized for individual contributions they can give to the group. It may include team problem solvers, accountants and soothers of hurt feelings.

Subgroup:

When a large group cannot meet growing group needs, a subgroup will often form. Subgroups usually continue to interact with the larger group while maintaining an identity of their own. In informal groups, the subgroups usually form because of the growth of the larger group and this may be due to attraction and rejection is constantly changing the formation, growth and segmentation of groups.

 

©Don J.B.Nyamunga - Kericho Kenya

 

BIBLIOGRAPHY REFERENCES

 

Irving, L. Janis, Groupthink, 2^nd ed., (New York: Houghton – Mifflin Company, 1982)

Jon L. Pierce- John Newstrom, Leaders and Leadership Process (McGraw- Hill Irwin, 2008) pp.158-160.

J. Richard Hackman – Charles, G. Morris, “Improving Group Performance Effectiveness” in Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, ed., Leonard Berkowitz (New York: Academic Press, 1975) P. 345.

Lowell, H. Lamberton – Leslie Minor, 4^th ed., Human Relations Strategies for Success, McGraw Hill Higher Education, New York, 1995)

Myers and Mayers, Dynamics of Human Communications.

Robert R. Blakes – Jane S. Mouton, “Don’t Let Group Norms Stifle Creativity” Personnel 62 (August 1985) pp. 28-33.

Re-learning to Communicate in Time of Covid19

Eco-Connect'20

Become a better listener in this time of covid19

Several factors go into communication. Major factors include attitudes and values, conscious and unconscious communication and timing. Who do you think plays a more important role in effective communication, the sender or the receiver.

The types of listening that happens when a listener deliberately chooses what he or she wants to pay attention to.

Actions on the part of the listener can contribute to miscommunication. You will have to find out what makes you a poor listener.

Prejudice in communication is the unwillingness to listen to members of  groups the listener believes are inferior, such as other ethnic groups or women. It can also take more subtle forms.

We have an interesting research that drives us for further reading what is known as the:

 "Ebbinghaus Curve of Forgetting" or the "Ebbinghaus Curve" developed by Herman Ebbinghaus (1850 - 1909).

 The author states that we remember less than half of what we have heard after an hour, about a third after a day, and about one-fourth after a week. ( Cf. H. E. Ebbinghaus, Memory: a Contribution to Experimental Psychology, New York: Dover, 1964).

We can learn how to communicate we in our homes in this time Covid19. Like living in a community, you never choose whom you want to live with but you just have to cope and co-exist in this common home, hook or crook you have to adjust many things including your life to survive or live depending on what you define life to be.

1. Stop talking of what you don't know, get right information first.

2. Get rid of distractions, fake news, whatsaap forwards that don't build one in contemplative action.

3. Try to enter into the speaker's     reality. What is s/he saying, don't assume you know what she or wants to say.

4. Use pauses for reflecting, don't be a talking machine.... Listen to what you are saying.

5.Listen for main ideas, not what is in your head

6. Give feedback if necessary not what you think it should have said.

7. Listen for feelings as well as for facts. Don't become a robot or sadistic or stoic.

8. Encourage others to talk, don't monopolise the show. Even the ignorant have something to teach us.

Know know this :

Did you know that pointing the soul of your shoe at someone in an Arab country or in India would be considered insulting?

That in Chinese society it is all right to stare at people? Or that in several cultures, eating with the left hand is considered to be bad manners?

Many people from European and Asian countries value punctuality as much as, or even more than, people from in the United States. In Hong Kong and Tokyo, the trains are famous for always being on time, and people often show up early for appointments rather than risk being late. All this leads us to what we call low-context culture and high-context culture.

Low- context culture :

A culture which a written agreement, such as a contract, can be taken at face value.

High- context culture :

A culture in which social context sorrounding a written document is far more important than the document itself.

One must be very careful about cultural norms, nonverbal behavior on both sides and anything else involving the the overall atmosphere of the communication. All depend on person to person relationship that builds itself into:

Horizontal communication :

Messages that are communicated between you and your equals in the formal organization.

Grapevine:

The network within an organization that communicates incomplete, but usually somewhat accurate information.

Rumour mill:

A gossip network that produces mostly false information ("fake newsers"... My categorization ).

The rumour mill and grapevine are two types of networking you may find in a work environment. What can you learn by joining either network?

Sometimes we may pretend as if we have said nothing yet we have already communicated our stand. As many say, you don't need to make noise in order to be heard.

Nonverbal Signals

- gestures, arm movements
- eye contact, eye movements
- physical appearance, clothing
- space allowed between speaker and listener.
- facial expression.
- touch

These are ways of communicating without speaking, such as gestures, body language and facial expression.

Mixed signals verbal & Nonvetbal

- vocal pacing and pauses
- loudness, vocal quality (timbre)
- pitch of voice
- silence
- confidence in use of vocabulary
Careless in listening.

Both nonverbal signals and mixed signals can tell you more about a speaker's message than the actual words. What should you do when a speaker's verbal message doesn't match his or her nonverbal one?

Filtering works both ways. It reflects what the person decides to say. In communicating to others, be sure that your filtering is appropriate and that you ate not sharing too much or too little.

Filtering is a method where listeners use to hear only what they want to hear, which may result in failing to receive messages correctly.

© Don J. B Nyamunga
Girimori Kericho Kenya (E. A)